I still have no internet at home so I guess that's it for a while. I think that might be a good thing anyway, as everything has suddenly become too complicated and my mind is not reaching out in interesting or productive ways.
To anyone who reads this that I owe a letter or a phone call to, or anyone who feels I'm being distant - I'm sorry. What I'm doing at the moment, it feels like all I have the energy for. I don't have anything else. I feel like I cannot maintain smiles long enough to be polite, and I can't see the point sometimes in holding back my feelings. I think I'll be out of this someday, so for now I'm just going to hide away and hope that I don't ruin friendships by saying the wrong things or by not being there enough for people.
To anyone who loves me (in any capacity of that word) - please take care of me. I am grateful, even though I'm terrible at showing you that.